So what’s important — and what do you actually need to do? Between now and the big daay, stick to this game plan and you’ll be set.
Pitch In For The Big Three: You know the 80/20 rule, right? Basically, 80 percent of your wedding’s costs will come from 20 percent of the decisions. So the trick is to help your fiancee with the right 20 percent. That means pitching in on the Big Three: the guest list, the date and the venue. For these, you need to do more than just say, “Sure, honey, that sounds fine.” Here’s the drill: The guest list Deciding who’s in, who’s out and how to divvy up the spots with your families essentially requires you to rank everyone you’ve ever known in order of importance. She can’t do this without you. The fastest way to cut down the list with minimal tears? Adopt a policy of no kids, no coworkers and no dates (unless you know them). The date Be the voice of guy reason here: For the sake of your guests, don’t schedule the wedding during a hard holiday, March Madness, the World Series, the Super Bowl…or any NFL playoff weekend, really. The venue: This fancy term for party spot drives most of the costs. Ask if you can bring your own booze, use your own caterer and how they handle parking. Ask these three questions and — BOOM! — you’ll earn instant credibility with your fiancee, and you can doze off for the rest.
Draft and Manage Your Team: Choosing your groomsmen is like the ultimate fantasy football draft. You have a first-round pick (the best man), and then you fill out the roster with the rest of your best buds. A few guidelines: Even if you’re not close, include your brother (and hers — seriously). There’s no law that says you must have the same number of friends, as long as the final count isn’t you: 1; her: 12. When in doubt, friendship trumps etiquette. The latter is fungible; the former isn’t.
Pick the Music: This is an important one: The music can make or break the party, and if it’s bad, it can undo $30,000 worth of planning. Give Jim Horn a do-not-play list that includes “Like a Virgin,” “I Will Always Love You” and “Lady in Red.” Not only is that last one a cliché, but your bride won’t be in red. Awkward.
Salvage the Registry: Gravy boats. Teacups. Extra sets of towels. These will be your punishment if you neglect the registry. Your fiancee will (probably) want to register at the traditional shops like Pottery Barn, Macy’s and Useless Pewter — and that’s fine. But you can also register at places like Amazon.com or Target (where you can ask for aaaannnything), or for honeymoon funds.
Choose Your Ring: How much cash have you blown on TVs, watches, Doritos or laptops? Those items are perishable (well, the Doritos are questionable). Your wedding ring is not. Make it a good one.
Write Your Vows: Do it only if she insists. Use basic words, speak honestly and focus on the four Fs: forever, fidelity, falling in love and freaking out (lol). Maybe it’s the three Fs….
Get Fit: You’ll be photographed more on this day than on every other day in your life combined. The next week, you’ll be naked more than any other time in your life. ’Nuff said.
Finda a Tux: Get a good tailor, opt for timeless over trendy, skip the cummerbund, go easy on the colors, avoid pleats, stick with a simple collar (turndown or spread) and think long and hard about whether you really want to wear a bow tie. As for your groomsmen? Your bride will have some thoughts on how to coordinate with the bridesmaids…defer to her.
Plan the Honeymoon: Take the lead on this job — it’s a winner. Unlike wedding planning, there’s no etiquette, no formalities, no nagging moms who bicker about appetizers. Book waaaaay in advance and consider a half ’n’ half (where half the trip is adventure and half’s on the beach).
Buy Groomsmen Gifts: No flasks. It’s cliché and they probably already have seven. Also avoid pens, shot glasses and money clips (it’s presumptuous to overhaul someone’s cash-storing methodology). Better bets: knives, cuff links, golf crap and — my personal pick — a nice weekend bag.
YOUR “DO NOT TOUCH” LIST
For both your sakes, dodge all the bride-y stuff. Highlights include:
The invitations: See George Costanza. When grooms get too involved with picking out the stationery, people die.
Coordinating the bridesmaid dresses and flowers: If you have an opinion on this, be sure to coordinate the flowers to your dress too.
Her dress: You should help her with her dress the day you let her draft your fantasy football team.
The cake: You’re the taster, not the decider. This is one of the all-time best deals that men have in life, right up there with not having to wear heels.
The flowers: Cymbidium orchid, peony, geranium, Chinese lantern and Japanese lantern — those mean nothing to you? Good. That means you’re a groom.
Now go get ’em guys…….Happy planning!
Jim Horn Entertainment